You can't special order awesome
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
