Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
