This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize