Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
