So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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