They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
