What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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