just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
