Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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