So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
