This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
