So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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