Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
