She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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