I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
