Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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