Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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