Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
