walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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