dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
