Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
