I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
