My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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