um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
