Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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