So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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