My liver just broke up with me...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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