Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
