she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
