Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
