Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
