where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
