..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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