He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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