i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
