You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
