she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
