he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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