I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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