Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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