He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
