Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
