it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
