Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
