She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm like, not good at living.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
