unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
