A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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