probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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