she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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