I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just high enough for therapy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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