my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
