i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
