I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
