Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
my shit smells like andre
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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