Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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