I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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