My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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