Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hippo gnu deer
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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