remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
