wat bout pragnant strippers??
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize