smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
