So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
