KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize