i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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