My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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