omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
