a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
