sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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