They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
