Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
