actually, I'm a sock model
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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