Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
