I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
